In this special time of the year, this Holiday Season I have been reminded by several people that it is better to give than to receive. Other innane and equally stupid sayings and sayers abound like “give till it hurts” and “genorosity is it’s own reward”. More frightening is that there are actually people out there that say these things and they must be stopped before they hurt somebody!

Fine. I’m gonna GIVE until it HURTS you and you know what? You’d better reward me for it or I’ll give ’till it hurts you again…receive my thoughts and in the spirit of that last holiday, be thankful for it! BWA-HA-HA! MUWA-HA-HA! MWA-HAHAHA!

Ah shaddup.

Next time I walk past that Salvation Army volunteer I’m going to use that bucket to make change. If I’m feeling particularly inquisitive I’m gonna ask them why are they charging $15 for a used, old dusty Billy Bass (a Patrick Norton favorite) when you can get a new one for $7. Have you ever been in one of their Thrift stores? Thrift must mean ‘bilk the poor’ in the new dictionaries…

…maybe I should just stand on the corner and ring my own damned bell. My bucket will read “Navarino UnInCorporated: 50% off all donations.” You know what they say, competition is good for the consumer. And if that lady looks at me funny, I KNOW I can take her. Want a piece of me? Bring it on, sister.

I’m thinking of dressing up as Santa and taking the presents away from my adopted niece and nephews. If they cry, I’ll just go “Hey, didn’t your momma ever tell you it’s better to give than receive?” and then I’ll take the Tonka truck. I’d do the same thing on Hanukkah but I have no idea how to spell it, what to dress up as or how to spin a top. Likewise on Kwanza but I just don’t think I can pull that one off.

Now I know there will be two people out there are reading this in shock, getting angry and thinking I’m serious while the other 9000 are laughing not thinking I am. To those two people I salute you, HELL YES I’M SERIOUS!

Oh and Happy Holidays everyone…. PS>>> Click here and help a kind soul save thier cat. True story.