Well once again the French are laughing at us and with good reason. Forget the “boycott” where Americans bought and then poured French wine in the streets, this one’s much better. Here in Vegas the Paris Hotel/Casino stopped flying the French flag thinking that if they did, no one would notice that the huge hotel/casino with a 400′ Eiffel Tower (1/2 scale), Arc de Triomphe and Paris Opera House, was French. Not to mention all of the Le signs all over the place and the security guards dressed up as gendarmes (think Foreign Legion). Nope, none of that is going to tip off the crazy people that the resort is French; it was that stupid flag they were flying that clued everyone in. Remove it and POOF no one’s going to confuse it as looking all…well…french. Yessiree, glad we pulled a David Copperfield and we’re all disguised and all now that we took that flag down. WTF?! Hello! *tap* *tap* Is this thing on?! It’s not FRENCH anyways you friggin’ morons, it’s American!!!! Helllooooo! Who the kelp hasn’t heard of a themed casino is Las Vegas by now?! Time to play whack-the-mole with my fellow stupid Americans. Again. God, the French are so laughing at us right now…

If that didn’t take the proverbial cake, I was shopping at the only place most of us can afford - the local 99cent store. Something’s always bothered me about that place, besides the many calls for price checks and the SPAM lunchmeat knockoffs. Well, it finally hit me today as I was staring at their plastic bags. Yes, that’s right the answer’s there; look at the picture on the left. Take your time, I’ll wait. Got it yet? No. Okey-dokey, no pressure…

*whistles tune from Man of La Moncha*

That’s right - according to the bag, the 99cent store is open 9 days a week! 9?! Geezus those poor shmucks have to work all week to get their days off only to have to go right back to work the minute they get off. Either that, or the 99cent store has played havock with the Space/Time Continuum again without filling out the proper forms.

*sigh* I can just hear the French taunting us about our being stupid again.

FRENCH GUARD: “I don’t wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! … Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a! [sniff]

It is with great pride, joy and extreme happiness that I am announcing to the world that Scott Herriott’s BigFoot documentary, Squatching is finally finished and ready for mass consumption! You all remember Scott, the emmy-award winning comedian from ZDTV/TechTV’s hit show - Internet Tonight? Of course you do! Well he’s been working hard on this little gem and he finally finished it recently as well as putting up a pretty darned good web site called Squatching.com. Head on over there now and check it out. GO PEOPLE!

Run on over to Scott’s website where you can take a look at this wonderful new documentary, download the movie trailer clip and best of all, BUY IT and enjoy it in the privacy of your own home!

I have to say, I’ve watched my copy of Squatching and enjoyed the hell out of it! It’s a great documentary, chock full of Scott Herriott’s special brand of humor, love and fascination with the legendary creature. Not only do you get a special glimpse into this elusive critter but there are appearances by Ed Marques (The Surf Guru from Internet Tonight), Jonathan Winters and even Scott’s Mom and Dad - not to mention a ton of people that know about large pot fields growing in the woods…

Go there now and order your copy of Squatching - a documentary by Scott Herriott, NOW! And as Scott says: “If you end up getting two, use one as a functional doorstop.”

And please people, spread the word about Scott’s website and documentary! Tell everyone you know and even those you don’t to buy this wonderful video of his! Thanks everyone!

That’s it. I am now officially a product-endorsing whore…

Yep, the entry below posted on April 1st was indeed My April Fool’s Day prank. Thank you for playing! Did I fool you? Were you nervous? Did you have a nagging doubt? Post away. Sincere thanks to all the well-wishers. Game over. Seems the intinerary really helped/made people nervous. A friend from the studio just called my house to see if I was there to find out if it indeed was a prank. Cool. Doesn’t get any better then that folks…hehe…

Strange things happen to strange people, alright. I’ve got to get up early tomorrow (Tues) to get to the airport to fly out to San Francisco. I can’t tell you guys how many times I’ve taken people to the airport here in Vegas and back again without ever getting on a plane. Well, tomorrow that changes and I really can’t tell you guys much, except I’m apprehensive about the whole thing. So many things can go wrong with this trip and I’m talking about after I land, forget the flying part.

If someone told me, even three years ago that I’d actually be flying to San Francisco to finalize and sign a contract with TechTV I’d tell you you’re nuttier than I am. And its time to stay off drugs. And alcohol. And well… you get the picture. It’s been no small secret that over the years I have spoken my mind (what’s left of it) freely and brutally about what’s gone wrong at TechTV and who’s responsible. I’ve never applied for a job there and although I have friends there I’d never in my wackiest moment think that there’d be a chance they’d ever come to me and ask me to come over there and help them. But that’s what’s happened.

I can’t tell you much yet, but I will be able to soon. In fact, when the person first phoned me and said he wanted to hire me a month ago I blew him off thinking it was a big joke. That and I didn’t believe he was who he said he was. A few phone calls later (and many conversations later) it seems someone over there is convinced its time to stop being surrounded by Yes Men and start listening to people that will fight stupidity wherever they see it. It seems the person who was mainly involved reads the message boards like Leoville and all and saw a pattern in what I was advocating and then thought I was the right person to get onboard.

While this was going on, I still stuck to my guns on Leoville and other places, private emails, etc advocating what’s wrong and how to fix it. I figured if I continued to say what I was saying they’d realize the dangers involved in hiring someone who won’t back down and not give in and call stupid people stupid. So I also figured they wouldn’t bother trying to get me on board.

Well, seems someone there really is convinced, as I am that I can help and I’ve been convinced I can not only do good but I can also leave any time I feel like. So I’ve decided to accept the job. Sorry, it’s a little vague but the person seems sincere, his team that have also talked to me seems sincere and they sent me the plane ticket and I get to stay in SF a week all expenses paid. So, I’m in. For now!

Will let you guys know more once I sign in a day or two. If you’d like to email me try my hotmail account at Quardbye@Hotmail.com since I won’t have access to my POPmail acct while I’m in SF. Keep your fingers crossed.

Later - be good.
-Vin
PS. Below is my flight itinerary for those that want to make sure my planes don’t crash. Gotta run and catch some sleep.

Depart:Tue 1-Apr-03
415 mi
(668 km)
1hr 25mn Las Vegas (LAS)
Depart 6:05 AM
Terminal 1 to San Francisco (SFO)
Arrive 7:30 AM
Terminal 3
Flight: 465 United
Economy/Coach Class, Airbus A320, 90% on time
Total miles: 415 mi (668 km)
Total flight time: 1hr 25mn
——–
Return Flight:Sun 6-Apr-03
415 mi
(668 km)
1hr 24mn San Francisco (SFO)
Depart 7:00 AM
Terminal 1 to Las Vegas (LAS)
Arrive 8:24 AM
Terminal 1
Flight: 749 America West
Economy/Coach Class, Airbus A319, 90% on time
Total miles: 415 mi (668 km)
Total flight time: 1hr 24mn