It’s days like this that I try to understand what makes a perfectly reasonable question vs an imperfectly unreasonable question (aka an odd question for the many-syllable impaired). I mean if you think of it most people ask reasonable questions, because they want to be normal (bore-ing) as well as follow the classic herd mentality of our sad species.

If one lemming knees a production assistant in the nuts they all do.

They can’t help it, they’re lemmings but really what’s the human race’s excuse? And who amongst us actually tries to consider just what the hello the PA did to the lemming that caused such a reaction? I mean, lemmings aren’t known for kicking people in the nuts are they? I’d think something really big had to happen and we might want to know exactly what caused one of these little guys to do such a thing. I’d at least expect a ton of news trucks to swarm the scene of the kneeing and watch endless replays 24/7 on all those stupid, ever-annoying “news” channels.

I can see the news tickers now:

… Nuts! says production assistant attacked by lemming…
… Lemming A Ding Dong! caused the PA to sing-song! …
… Goal! Lemmings 325: Discovery Channel staffer: 0 …
… Another Soprano gets whacked! … uh-oh not on HBO …

Then there’ll be the endless cable news shows where nice people like Lou Dobbs trace the lemming’s aggression to Big Business’ practice of Exporting America, Greta Van Susteren will try to interview one of the lemmings only to have to settle for talking to the ex-Pets.com sock puppet and Bill O’Reilly will spin the story so much even people not in his audience vomits.

It’s times like these, when lemmings take matters into their own hands, that we really need to focus on less-than-obvious priorities and questions. Like athletic cups and better media/lemming relations. And why it’s impossible to skin a cow with a potato peeler while it’s awake and unrestrained. Do you really think people asking obvious questions are going to make the break throughs required to save the human race? No! It’s the people not laughing at the Mass-Lemming Nut Kick-Festival wondering what it all means and those poor lonely kids in the 4H club with cows, a potato peeler and way too much parental trust! They will save us all! You. Me. The poor Production Assistant and the whole ball(s) of wax…

…lemmings be durned! *squeek!* *squeek!* /kick/ OW! *thud*

THINK DIFFERENT! (And wear an athletic cup just in case)