It was one of those days where, given that my colon was full I had to expel the unabsorbed residue of the digestive process, aka expel the solid excretory product, aka eject the waste that you really don’t want to taste. So I did. As they say, everything went smell, I mean well. Now you see I don’t normally talk about such things ass some, er, as some things are butt-er, er, better left unsaid but it was afterwards that this story really dumps, er… tanks.

Have you ever accidently taken a drink in there with you while you toot-tooed? I say accidently because I really don’t want to think it’s something you people would do on purpose! Right? Hey, it’s not like anyone that doesn’t have major health issues would need to rehydrate in the middle of an evacuation. I’d like to mention that I also don’t understand the sickos that read on the throne either. You people really need help, you know that?

Well, this lead to a strange, yet alarming assmosis realization. You see kids because the drink was in there when the remains of 3 days of digestion processes finally had to come to their leap-for-freedom moment, and it was an open container (a glass) I started to remember all that osmosis/absorption earth science lessons from my teachers. You see kids, particles have this weird way of being drawn from an amount of higher concentration to an area of lower concentration. Which kind of made me think, ponder, get scared yet adventurously intrigued.

Since the air was filled with the gaseous and befouling result of my brave foray into making #2 and the glass of water wasn’t… you see where I’m going with this kids? I started to wonder if by chance the glass of non-ass filled water had a chance to absorb some of the air-laden anal residue of my going doodey. This made me curious, yet scared. Scared that the glass of cold, inviting icewater might contain a not-so-secret not-so-appealing noxious ingredient. Scared because my lack of sanity and sanitary impulses made it more than remotely possible that I just couldn’t resist finding out by sampling the possibly befouled water. Also I was getting a tad excited in making a bundle exporting ass-water all over the globe to thirsty consumers in France and Britain… they love the stuff! Think of it, a line of water made foul by the process of assmosis! Perfect!

Long story shi– er, short I tried the water. It tasted like ass! I really don’t know what to rinse my mouth out with to get rid of the taste…. hey, look here’s a whole bowl of Mountain Dew… *gulp* *gulp* aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa!

Note: this blog entry inspired by real life events and Martin Sargent’s Unscrewed show.