Dear Readers, it’s been more than 10 days since my last entry. I know what you’re thinking, what could I have possibly been doing to not have a ton of new blog entries up for everyone’s reading enjoyment?

Well, you see to be totally honest, I have been a tad busy. I know, I know everyone says that lame excuse but really it’s true. In the past 10+ days (heck this past month) I’ve seen live people, reinstalled Windows XP on my upgraded computer, house and dog sat for some good friends, went to a fabulous comedy show, watched a taping of the Tonight Show w/Jay Leno here in Vegas, been routinely attacked by the Stealth Bulldog, shopping, ate, slept, peed, went #2, showered, shaved, survived a trip to the DMV and tried like heck to read all my ever-growing backlog of PC Magazines. Which is an impossible task, as everyone knows by the time you read one issue, 2 more show up in the mail. Whoa mama!

Oh, and I also shaved some whales. A tragic accident due to a typo… best forgotten. Rest in peace Shamu, Tik-Tik, Wilbur and little Seamus. You’re truly free now.

So you see I’ve been a tad busy of late but hey, it’s always good to be appreciated and I promise to visit way more often here and let you know what I’m up to thinking and ranting about various things that irritate or confuse me.

Which reminds me. Anyone remember Keiko the killer whale? You know the star of Free Willy about a boy that falls in love with an orca and… and… y’know that really doesn’t sound right *shudder*

(sand blasts mental image from cranium)

So Free Willy is a movie starring a killer whale named Keiko. The movie was about a boy who befriended a captive orca and struggled to free him. As life so imitates art (because people are generally uncreative bastards) kids around the world save their pennies and their parents crack money and start a movement to free Keiko the killer whale. Long story short, it works and Keiko the whale after years of attempted retraining swims free in the waters of Norway as a huge and highly intelligent trained guppy that still does tricks and hangs with people. Hey, who cares, Keiko is free to do what she wants and later sadly she dies not too long afterwards. But she did die free and happy everyone agrees this is what matters and so they bury her on land.

THEY BURIED HER ON LAND?!

WTF?! These idiots celebrated Keiko’s return to freedom by imprisoning her on land?! Not the ocean? WTF?! She lived free, was captured, imprisoned, rescued and set free only to wind back on $%#@!ing land in death? Screwed, blued and tattooed! Holy Freaking Irony of Ironies Batman!

That’s the message kids. You think you’re a free being, a creature of the ocean and something special? We break you, force you to perform tricks for our pleasure and wallets and then you get uppity and think you deserve to be free as nature intended? Go ahead, think you’re special, swim happy in your native waters and we’ll wait. The minute you kick the bucket we’re dragging your stupid bloated carcass back on land and laugh as you decompose for all eternity. Entombed on land. A prisoner again for all time; the final blow of cruelty to a once free majestic aquatic being. What a tragic, mean end!

But hey don’t cry, we gave you a nice view of the ocean…