Alert! Alert! Alert! Kevin Mitnick’s Dog is being held hostage in an undisclosed desert location by a member of the radical extremist group known as Ala Fahim La Ahmed Calamarr! Marshall Mitnick otherwise known as Marshall Wood disappeared from Mr. Mitnick’s car right after he handed him over to a Mr. Vincent Navarino of Las Vegas, Nevada for safekeeping. Vincent is currently leading the search parties after reportedly being accosted by the Ala Fahim La Ahmed Calamarr brigade who then absconded with the four legged “son they never had yet” of Darci Wood (formerly from TechTV) and Kevin Mitnick (who is most legendary for his cameo in the hit series, Alias).

A ransom note was recently received by PETA (The People Eat Tasty Animals organization) that contained instructions and a picture (top left) of Marshall, the now world-famous canine hostage. The note apparently demanded an ATI All in Wonder 9800Pro or a GeForce 6800 video card be sent to Vincent Navarino to ensure the safe return of the captive canine. It was also noted that a 6800GT would ensure not only the safe return of Marshall Mitnick/Wood but also he’d be fed properly during his “stay.” Also Mr. Navarino’s mother was heard to comment “I like good Italian food, that can’t hurt either.”

The police investigators on the case did not think it odd that the ransom demand was for a high-end graphics card for Vincent, a victim in the dog napping case as kidnappers often try to throw off suspicion onto a victim and/or victims’ families. When reporters inquired about the Italian dinner thing, they replied hey, she’s a nice lady why shouldn’t she get a good meal - it’s not like she can cook or anything according to her husband and son…

We’ll keep you apprised as the case of the Missing Marshall unfolds. Marshall is being used as the first test case of the Dander Alert System, a system where an abducted canine’s information is broadcast in Petsmarts all across the country. If you spot Marshall or his abductors police recommend don’t try to be a hero and do anything but phone the authorities immediately. They also recommend the ransom be paid for the best chance of a happy outcome.

More updates as they come in. And now for the local weather…