From time to time this little ole blog o’min generates some interesting emails from people. For today’s entertainment I will share with you all some interesting viewer feedback mail. Note: the names have been changed to protect the stupid.

From 2c00l: H3y Vinc3, m4n is tihs c00l bolg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:Dear 2c00l, thank you so much for the kind words. I think. The reason for this is I’m guessing at what you said. I got the exclamation part just fine though…I think
2c00l: HAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA UR FUNNY AWSUM DEWD!
:Please tell me you did not graduate from college; it would explain why my degree is useless.
2c00l: collig ROCKED man so muhc beer an HOT babes Igot all bs in skewl and As in the ladies ARRRRROOOOOOO!
:I’m in hell. That’s the only thing that explains the torment right now *bangs head on monitor* Someone shoot me. (Whoa, way too many volunteers)

From Concerned Parent: My child has this site bookmarked and after coming here to check it out I sir am OUTRAGED by your attitude toward the golden absolute joy of perfection that is children. These baskets of joy and innocence are not hell demons bent on world destruction or anything but cute, cuddly, warm, huggy harbingers of comfort filled with the bright pure light of absolute love! How dare you make out like they’re nuisances or annoying, you hateful little man! You should roast in the fiery pits of hell for your blasphemous words!! Hell is reserved for people like you!
:I am sorry you were offended, calm down, up the valium dosage and excuse me while I report another NAMBLA member to the authorities. They should be contacting you shortly.

The Makers of Extends: Is your…
:No, but I bet yours is.

From The Bulldog Breeders Association: Dear Mr. Navarino, it has come to our attention that you have knowledge of a heretofore unknown breed of bulldog, called by you and others as a stealth bulldog. We have no records of this type of offshoot of Canis familiaris and would like to document this possible new breed. Can you help us out?
:Yes, there is indeed a Stealth Bulldog, believed to be the only one of it’s kind, called Roxie by most and Rocky by the gender-confused. I would love to provide you some pictures but, go figure, the stealth bulldog is… well… stealthy (and elusive by nature); all you’d get is blank pictures. We think this natural ability of hers is so that she can sneak up on a man holding a chew toy and strike unseen. One minute a 180lb man is holding a chew toy and the next he’s a 240lb man holding a 60lb bulldog. It’s quite disconcerting let me tell you!
Bulldog Breeders Association: Are you telling us that the Stealth Bulldog is invisible??!
:DUH! Why else would someone call it that?

From A Wondering Reader: Is there anything in your life that you regret? Something you’d do over if given the chance?
:I regret in life only three things - Buying Windows 95, not learning how to make fire by rubbing 2 sticks on a telemarketer and purchasing condoms at a dollar store. Wait, that’s four things I regret. As to do-overs, well, yeah there is one thing I’d do over if given a chance. The Doublemint twins.

From Serious Reader: I don’t get your attempts at humor; I find them awfully lacking and droll.
:You’re wearing a tie right now, yes?
Serious Reader: How did you know?
:And you’re in a boarding school?
Serious Reader: ?! That’s amazing! Yes!
:It was your parents’ idea, right?
Serious Reader: uhh…
:They said it’d be good for you?
Serious Reader: … yes *sniff*…
:You didn’t want to go did you?
Serious Reader: sniff* no *sniff*
:But they made you go anyway.
Serious Reader: …
:You know why don’t you.
Serious Reader: …because …
:You know why.
Serious Reader: *sniff* b-b-because…
:Say it.
Serious Reader: …because t-t-they…
:SAY IT!
Serious Reader: BECAUSE THEY DON’T L-LOVE MEEEEEE!!!!
:Yep. Think about that next time you tell people they don’t know funny, twerp.

[End emails]