The things we do often dictate responses from others. Some reactions and responses frankly we never intended or forsaw. I myself am the reason many people enjoy the sweet breath of life, thanks in no small part to my Heimlich Manuever training, courtesy of a PBS Special called “Curious George Choked on His Banana And Died a Horrible Agonizing Death Because You Skipped This Special The First Time It Was On and Couldn’t Save Him So Watch It This Time Because Mommy Is Eating a Banana and Might Need You to Save Her!” The subtitle was a tad alarming.

Man did they know how to use show titles to educate us kids back in those days. Well, Mommy never (so far) choked but I had to play it safe. So I watched the PBS special and as an unforseen result I could french kiss strange girls without all the whistling and cat-calls of “There He Is Officer!” that so ruined all those study groups. Not to mention all that “let me wrap my arms around you and press your tummy and get rid of that lodged food” fun. *sigh* Good times.

Anyway, as I was saying, sometimes our actions cause unforseen reactions from people. You never know how exactly the things you say or do can cause people to respond, so really I guess the secret message in this post is:

Don’t say or do anything because you never know how people will take it. People are crazy. They should all be isolated; put in glass cages and monitored closely by an array of super-intelligent robots for their alien masters.

Seriously, forget all that just be yourself and don’t worry about it psycho babble shrinks and guidance counselors tell you. Just dig a hole and stay there and feed off the lichen that grows in the darkness and play cards with the cockaroaches until the world stops and all the people leave for better digs like Pluto.

And then you can go through everyone’s stuff and see what kinds of twisted freaks they are. Not to mention all that dressing up fun without fear of discovery or alarmed shouting and tossing of heavy objects. Plus you can drive any car you want, get DVD’s for free and no one will be hogging all the broadband.

If you want companionship there’s always talking to animals. If you want companionship there’s always the animals… and oh yeah, no PETA to tell you it’s wrong either. Stupid %^$#@!ing PETA. Oh how I hate them. ^&%$@ you, PETA!

What gets between me and my Thomson’s Gazelles? NOTHING. You hear me, PETA. Nothing gets between me and my Thomson’s Gazelle’s. !$&#@ you PETA!

[Oh, and if you couldn’t tell this was an anti-vote message. Don’t Vote, You Might Break Something™. Remember kids, an uninformed vote could be more disasterous than an informed one. Tune in next time for 275 Ways to Cook a PETA Member, sponsored by Betty Crocker’s PETA Helper. All the stuff you need, just add some chopped up PETA. Umm… umm… good.]