Once every millennia comes a movie that’s so incredibly bad, it’s good. Once every 10 millennia comes a movie that’s basic concept is so flawed and outrageously stupid that it’s terribly bad yet becomes laughing goofy. NEVER and I mean NEVER comes a movie that’s so bad, preposterously insane, ineptly conceived and seriously shot that it becomes a good laugh riot funfest that you can’t take your eyes off for a second. Even to pee.

Chupacabra: Dark Seas is that movie. Not only was I intrigued about the concept of a creature of Spanish lore that sucks the blood out of goats let loose on a cruise ship after seeing the commercial but after reading the movie synapsis on the IMdB I was definitely hooked:

When cryptozoologist Dr. Peña traps the legendary Chupacabra on a remote Caribbean island, he smuggles it aboard a cruise ship with disastrous results.

Ooh… sounds cool! Tell me more, IMDB!

Cryptozoologist Doctor Peña traps the legendary Chupacabra on a remote Caribbean Island to make his name in the scientific community. When he smuggles it aboard the cruise ship Regent Queen, commanded by Captain Randolph, (John Rhys-Davies), the monster breaks out of the cargo hold and makes a smorgasbord out of the passengers and crew.

Ok, so now we have a legendary goat-sucking jungle creature on a cruise ship (sounds completely plausible) but the captain is Gimli aka Arturo aka John Rhys-Davies from Sliders? How ^&%$#@ing cool is that? SCORE!

Forget everything you thought you knew about this Spanish “goat sucker” of legend that has terrorized Puerto Rico, Mexico and Chile for years; after watching Chupacabra: Dark Seas on the Sci-Fi channel a few days ago I was forced to toss out all my novice, uninformed preconceptions about the Chupacabra. Apparently El Chupacabra actually prefers Yorkies to goats, in fact nowhere in this fine movie did it actually eat a single goat. See how rumors get started, people?!

Chupacabra: Dark Seas is a great and wonderfully delightful awful bad good movie. It’s non-stop entertainment for the whole family, it’s insightful, inspirational and downright edumacational! I had the pleasure of seeing it a few days ago (thank you Sci Fi channel!) and you can too!
It’s airing TONIGHT again on Sci-Fi at 9pm Pacific time! We have to get the word out, people! YOU MUST SEE THIS MOVIE! You must tell the world of it’s perfection, it’s joy, it’s non-stop laughs as well as it’s beauty. You must get your friends to watch Chupacabra: Dark Seas. You must get your parents, neighbors, enemies, annoying relatives, the town bums, the local street walkers and if it can be done, GOD himself (or no GOD if you’re agnostic) to watch this movie!

Not convinced yet then don’t forget to watch the movie trailer. It’s time for eye enjoyment of unparalleled brilliance, everyone. So get ready to watch Chupacabra: Dark Seas, tonight. Or if you’re stupid enough to miss it because of “life” then monitor the local TV listings for it to repeat.

And while you’re waiting, here are a few good Chupacabra links. The informed viewer is a righteous viewer.

Chupacabra Resource Articles
How Stuff Works: Chupacabra
10 Questions with the Chupacabra An Insightful Interview with the Man in the Chupacabra Suit

And would you believe you can buy a Chupacabra: Dark Seas soundtrack? Get yours today!

Remember: Chupacabra: Dark Seas airs TONIGHT on Sci-Fi, 9pm Pacific. Tell the world.
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Update: my review of Chupacabra: Dark Seas is now up here on the Internet Movie Database (IMdB.com). Just doing my part, hehehe…