I like a mouse with balls. Always have. The weight, the feel, the mass… NOTHING can replace the pure, powerful, thunderous power of a mouse with balls! Neutered mice just cannot compete with the vibrant virile thrust of a mouse with huge BALLS. Sure a ball-less nancy mouse can sing higher notes in a choir wearing a dress and a stupid haircut but at the end of the day a mouse with balls can so kick his ass and steal his lunch money. Sure the nancy-mouse with the angelic voice might be closer to the Almighty, but the balled mouse can send him to the Almighty!

I’ve always insisted that my mice have balls; unlike silly people I accept no substitutes. No gelding mice for me, I don’t care how fast the little wusses can run. My mice have endurance, they can go for hours… nancy-mouse whimpers and cries in a dark corner wondering why he’s not as developed as the other mice he’s seen in the gym shower. Baby smooth? Nope. My manly mouse’s hairs have hair!

Mice are supposed to have balls. They’re supposed to be strong, weighty, fierce and confident; not little, wispy, frail prancing little ice-skating pixies proud to have won a bronze medal! A BRONZE medal? They freaking created the sucker because they knew you little ball-less pixie skating nancy-mice would cry all the time when you lost BY TWO you disgusting crying little freaks! Twits. Crying little twits. Oh, how you disgust us all…

As I was saying, I prefer manly potent humping-the-furniture mice but at work we use opticals and after a few weeks I’m kinda giving a Dell Optical mouse a try at home. I still have my trusty manly Logitech three button BALLED mouse connected too (prefer that for games) but the lithe optical waif isn’t bad for figure-skating all over my monitor. I just wish the sucker wouldn’t cry so much when the Logitech teases it and buggers it’s momma…