No, Vinny doesn’t have an iPod. It’s a not-secret I’ve kept ever since those stoopid freaking infernal contraptions came out making even the most die-hard Wintel gods gush and squeal like preteen girls at an Nsync concert…

Apple has never EVER infected my home and never EVER will. My home is apple free; the only apple products being the Macintoshes in my fridge or the apple and cinnamon oatmeal in the cupboard. Is this by design? Some deep seated Intel/Windows driven prejudice? Am I yet another paid anti-apple blogger hellbent on slapping all things Apple?

Nay! The reason is simple… iPods suck and so do the people that use them. These people are clearly deranged degenerates and should be rounded up like sheep and transplanted into a desolate wasteland (like New Jersey) to keep us all safe from their madness which infects us like SARS, Ebola, the Bird Flu and Republicanism.

iPods suck. iMsure.

Want to see how many slobberingly crazed rabid lunatics are out there? See if they have an iPod. Add +1 to the slobberingly crazed rabid lunatics counter. There’s just no sane way to reason with these people; they’re nutz. Psycho. Impaired. Usually deaf too from cranking the suckers way too loud. They think that suddenly they’re part of the “cool kids” crowd just because they have what’s trendy. Like designer jeans, $200 Nike sneakers and paying $15 for a Grande Caramel Macchiato - these things will NOT make someone cool, hip or popular. Learning to $%#@!ing bathe and dress yourself without help will do that you #$%^@!ing morons!

They put their freaking iPods in Altoids cases! Why? Seriously I have no idea why, I’m asking. If anyone knows please contact me at imstillsane@mybrain.com .

They buy really stupid high priced accessories to make it do simple things it should already do like listen to the radio, protect it from scratching, breaking or buttering toast. Usually a $300 iPod costs the average iPod owner like $400 in “cool hip accessories". Wake up, iPodders! Snap out of your iComas and iSee what those cute kewl things are doing to your former sense of individuality! You know the one that died the minute you became an iPod owner?

Vinny Doesn’t Have an iPod.
Vinny Doesn’t Need to Have an iPod to be Cool.
Vinny Doesn’t Have an iPod.
Vinny Doesn’t Need to Flush His Brain into the Toilet Like the Rest of You.
Vinny Doesn’t Have an iPod.
Until now.

Seriously aren’t these things the coolest?! *squeal* I LOVE my iPod Nano! I got one for my 40th birthday and spent the whole day looking for the right albums to put on it and the coolest accessory for it - the iHome iPod Clock Radio. Amplified speakers, clock radio, charger all in one compact unit! $85 this week at Target. Be cool, get one. Be cooler. Get two!

Thanks sisters!

iGotta go. iHaveto play with my iPod.

(Vinny has an iPod.) *squeal*