[And now for the obligatory non-graphical odd post.]

I thought I’d take this time to answer all your questions. I have received many emails since this site went up and although I really am not into the whole “interaction” thingy but what the hello-jello… how could it hurt?

Q: Hey Vince, I’ve been reading your site for a LONG time and I just have to say you’re funny! *giggle* Wanna hook up? -Denise, Baton Rouge
A: No. You broke 2 rules. The first rule is you called me Vince, like we’re friends or something. I’ve never met you. The second is you made eye contact… also I know how this ends. You’re probably a 35yr old law enforcement officer pretending to be a preteen waiting for me to pull up in the driveway. No thank you. Besides, as a died-in-the-wool computer geek if you’re not made outta wires and heavy tech you’re not my type. Unless of course you’re a kinky 35yr old law enforcement officer. purrrrrr

Q: Hey man I read your This Hax0r House entries. Do you really know [name deleted to protect the guilty]? COOL MAN! You’re ^&%$@ing awesomely cool. To the XTREME!!!! WOOOO! -Tyler, Detroit
A: Yes I do know [name deleted to protect the guilty]. But knowing someone doesn’t make you cool, dude. Of course on the flip side [name deleted to protect the guilty] knows *MOI* and has a special nickname when referring to me. That Fucker is a cool freaking nickname dontchathink? (Profanity allowed because it is my nickname.)

Q: I noticed you have an iPod. Now that you’ve gone the way of us Apple-ites when will we hear all about your new Powerbook? -Steve Jobs, Cupertino
A: When? About 3 seconds after my penis is forcibly removed by a wild yak. I put owning a Mac and yak penis removal to be equally likely. And the yak thingy is a tad more desirable. Does this mean I’m an Apple hater? Nope. They make a fine PC but look, I don’t run a Linux desktop, primarily use OS/2 or want my sole PC to be a Mac because I want to run software and thus I go where the options really are; with the majority. And I game so there’s only 1 choice for a machine (PC), OS (Windows) and Processor (AMD 64). Anyone that says otherwise just hasn’t met the right yak yet.

Q: So you’re a lemming, huh? Just another mindless sheep chomping at whatever scraps “the Man” chooses to give you? Think different! -Steve Jobs, Cupertino
A: You’re $%#@!ing running Intel doofus. Just another mindless sheep running whatever processor “the Man” chooses to give you. We’ll all be running XP together soon, baby. You know it. Besides, I really do think different. I run AMD

Q: You’re pretty out there. Uhm, ya know, nuts you know that? Seriously you’re way way bizarre! Are you on drugs?! -Rhonda, Michigan
A: And the sky is blue, Captain Obvious. Thanks for the newsflash. No, I’m not under any influences (save for Bach, Bethoven and 2:3 of the Three Tenors). I rarely drink and I don’t do drugs. I may be crazy, but I’m not stupid. Well… except for mistaking Demansia papuensis for Demansia vestigiata. Everyone knows the former is the Australian whip snake from northern Australia while the latter is from northeastern Western Australia. I’m such a moron sometimes…

Q: How many times have you gotten sick from Hormel Chili? - Greg, Boise Idaho
A: Only once, Greg; only once. I doubt it was really the chili, those people at Hormel rock. It was probably all those voodoo curses finally catching up to me or cumulative bad karma from sharing my opinion with people. For example, why the hello does anyone live in Boise Idaho? It’s not like the Entertainment Capital of the World, dude. Slightly smaller than Spokane? Wow. Nonstop fun there. MOVE! Seriously or get a drinking problem or roll something other than a hobo… then again that’d explain why you live in Boise.

Q: Why don’t you post daily? I want something new to read every day. You’re a blogger, it’s all about content. Give us more! -Kyle, Denver
A: Usually I’d inform you that I prefer quality over quantity, scoff at that whole blogger label or tell you I do this blog for me but instead I’m going to send you your very own yak to play with. Enjoy! He loves to give special low kisses…

Q: What’s your favorite hobby? - Eleanor, Washington DC
A: Breathing. It’s a habit I just can’t break, no matter how hard other people try to help me quit. Oh, and llama snuggling. *sigh*

Q: Please let us know what you feel about [insert current event or political topic here]? We never really hear about what you think about these important topics. -Jennifer, Los Angeles
A: You don’t want to know. This blog is an escape from reality (well in truth it’s my being mired in my special blend of reality) and will remain so. See, as a person we’re pretty powerless although we like to think we can change the world if we share our opinions or outrage about current events and hot button topics. In reality, if that were true, if we could change the world Claudia Schiffer would be in my room making the bed, worshipping me as a higher being and doing my math homework. Until then, you’re all on your %^$#@ing own. (note lack of smiley)

Quote of the Day:

Minnietaur: I know a person with a god complex…
Me: Does he have a bunch of houses he calls Jesus?
Minnietaur: … uh, no…
(pause)
Minnietaur: (laughter and giggles)