It never ceases to amaze me that so many people who are religious take their creator/ god/ holy deity’s name in vain or worst yet bother them praying for insignificant things like a slot machine win, world peace, long life, eternal salvation, an unstale bagel or their favorite TV show not to be cancelled. Some things are just wrong and these flip-flop, fair-weather faithfuls should be smited by their almighty every time their attentions are diverted by listening to their petty, small materialistic wishes.

Living in Vegas, I see these “worshippers” all the time. People rubbing a slot machine, begging their creator/ god/ holy deity to give them that jackpot and then maybe they’ll be better people; that for $200 (nickel players), $1,000 (quarter players) or $4,000 (dollar players) they’ll suddenly become devout in their faith. With prayer beads in hands, they pull that handle, push those flashy buttons and all the while pray. Pray for a win. Pray for their luck to change. Pray that their creator/ god/ holy deity will smile down and convince Lady Luck to be a little more forthcoming for his/her/its worshippers and slip them some silver. If you think about it these people are basically praying really petty prayers, begging their c/g/hd to bribe them so they’ll scream his/ her/ its name out in joyous rapture proclaiming their worship in the highest octave range permissable to the human ear.

Give me a royal flush, oh Lord and I shall sing your praises in joyous exultation!

Only if they win, of course. Some people flip out when their savior doesn’t provide the big payoff. Muttering under their breath (or loudly) they curse the same deity they were just praying to.

Ten, Jack, Queen, King, Two of ^&%$#@ing clubs?! Why don’t you love me?! Come on! Ten, Jack, Queen, King, Seven? You $#@&ing don’t love me!! I hate you too! You $%#@ing, suck! I’m converting!

Disgusting. You’d think these people wouldn’t waste their prayers on such little things, or stop to think that their c/g/hd might not look favorably towards their small-mindedness. Repulsive. Unforgivable. Blasphemy at it’s highest level…

BTW, Jesus bought me a Personal Video Recorder and a new TV. My PVR has a hard drive and a DVD burner and my 27″ Truflat RCA TV has all the inputs and outputs I’ll ever need, replacing my 16yr old 25incher w/a blown speaker. No more swapping cables for me.

Thank you, Jesus! (And thank you too Sam’s Town Hotel and Casino!)

(I didn’t pray for a win but those four freaking deuces on that quarter machine showed up anyways. Hallelujah, heathens!)