Anyone besides me hate Top Ten Lists?

Top One Lists:

Top One Way to Help Promote Your Site:
1. Give stuff away. Like a clock radio, your sister’s clock radio, a TV, your sister…

Top 1 Way to Get More People To Go To Your Site:
1. Sell your sister.

Top 1 Way to Get People to Like Your Site:
1. Tell them what they want to hear, all the time.

Top 1 Way to Get People to Not Like Your Site:
1. Tell them what you think they want to hear, all the time.

Top 1 Reason for Soaring Health Care Costs
1. People won’t die.

Top 1 Reason Why Linux Won’t Be Everyone’s Desktop Solution:
1. It’s Linux.

Top 1 Way to Protect Yourself from Identity Theft:
1. Steal someone’s identity.

Top 1 Way to Get More People To Go To Your Site:
1. Free blow…pops.

Top 1 Way to Lose Friends:
1. Take advantage of another friend.

Top 1 Additional Way to Lose Friends:
1. Pay a friend less hours than they worked.

Top 1 Way to Lose An Actual Friend:
1. Keep getting taken advantage of on purpose.

Top 1 Additional Way to Lose An Actual Friend:
1. Lump an actual friend amongst fake friends as if they’re the same thing. Repeat endlessly.

Top 1 Way to Tell an Actual Friend from a Fake Friend:
1. If you have to lie about a friend to make them sound like a friend, they’re not a friend.

Top 1 Additional Way to Tell an Actual Friend from a Fake Friend:
1. If a friend doesn’t take advantage of you, they’re an actual friend.

Top 1 Reasons You Don’t Own an iPod:
1. You don’t have any friends.

Top 1 Song on Anyone’s List:
1. #1.

Top 1 Thing to do When Attacked By a Bear:
1. Die.

Top 1 Way to Increase Chances of Getting a Date:
1. Axe Body Spray according to those commercials.

Top 1 Way to Stop All Illegal Immigration:
1. Make where they’re coming from look more attractive than the place they’re going to.

Top 1 Way Not To Greet A Police Officer:
1. “Tell your wife I’ve had better.”

Top 1 Way Not To Read Top 1 Lists:
1. Cross eyes. Now you’re reading Top 2 Lists.

Top 1 Way to Tell Difference Between Apple and Other Computers:
1. The logo.

Top 1 Additional Way to Tell Difference Between Apple and Other Computers:
1. The price.

Top 1 Way to Spot a Windows User:
1. The smug smile.

Top 1 Way to Spot a Clueless Windows User:
1. They have a virus.

Top 1 Way to Spot a Smart Computer User:
1. Sex always trumps using a computer.

Top 1 Way to Spot a Really Smart Computer User:
When they have sex they are not alone and there are no public indecency charges.

Top 1 Additional Way to Spot a Really Smart Computer User:
1. They have sex with another person / farm animal / batch of warm oatmeal / etc.

Top 1 Way to Spot Someone Who Pirates Movies, Music or Video Games:
1. The parrot on their shoulder. Dead giveaway. And the Arrrr! speak.

Top 1 Way to Tell if Someone is Squeamish:
1. Serve them spaghetti and meatballs from the abdominal cavity of a cadaver laid out on your dinner table. If they blow chunks the test results are in.

Top 1 Sign that Superman Isn’t Being Portrayed Realistically on the WB’s Smallville:
1. A teenager that doesn’t play with himself?! Surrounded by Chloe, Lana and Lois?! Come on!