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Top One List Collection
May 1, 2006
Top One List Collection
Anyone besides me hate Top Ten Lists?
Top One Lists:
Top One Way to Help Promote Your Site:
1. Give stuff away. Like a clock radio, your sister’s clock radio, a TV, your sister…
Top 1 Way to Get More People To Go To Your Site:
1. Sell your sister.
Top 1 Way to Get People to Like Your Site:
1. Tell them what they want to hear, all the time.
Top 1 Way to Get People to Not Like Your Site:
1. Tell them what you think they want to hear, all the time.
Top 1 Reason for Soaring Health Care Costs
1. People won’t die.
Top 1 Reason Why Linux Won’t Be Everyone’s Desktop Solution:
1. It’s Linux.
Top 1 Way to Protect Yourself from Identity Theft:
1. Steal someone’s identity.
Top 1 Way to Get More People To Go To Your Site:
1. Free blow…pops.
Top 1 Way to Lose Friends:
1. Take advantage of another friend.
Top 1 Additional Way to Lose Friends:
1. Pay a friend less hours than they worked.
Top 1 Way to Lose An Actual Friend:
1. Keep getting taken advantage of on purpose.
Top 1 Additional Way to Lose An Actual Friend:
1. Lump an actual friend amongst fake friends as if they’re the same thing. Repeat endlessly.
Top 1 Way to Tell an Actual Friend from a Fake Friend:
1. If you have to lie about a friend to make them sound like a friend, they’re not a friend.
Top 1 Additional Way to Tell an Actual Friend from a Fake Friend:
1. If a friend doesn’t take advantage of you, they’re an actual friend.
Top 1 Reasons You Don’t Own an iPod:
1. You don’t have any friends.
Top 1 Song on Anyone’s List:
1. #1.
Top 1 Thing to do When Attacked By a Bear:
1. Die.
Top 1 Way to Increase Chances of Getting a Date:
1. Axe Body Spray according to those commercials.
Top 1 Way to Stop All Illegal Immigration:
1. Make where they’re coming from look more attractive than the place they’re going to.
Top 1 Way Not To Greet A Police Officer:
1. “Tell your wife I’ve had better.”
Top 1 Way Not To Read Top 1 Lists:
1. Cross eyes. Now you’re reading Top 2 Lists.
Top 1 Way to Tell Difference Between Apple and Other Computers:
1. The logo.
Top 1 Additional Way to Tell Difference Between Apple and Other Computers:
1. The price.
Top 1 Way to Spot a Windows User:
1. The smug smile.
Top 1 Way to Spot a Clueless Windows User:
1. They have a virus.
Top 1 Way to Spot a Smart Computer User:
1. Sex always trumps using a computer.
Top 1 Way to Spot a Really Smart Computer User:
When they have sex they are not alone and there are no public indecency charges.
Top 1 Additional Way to Spot a Really Smart Computer User:
1. They have sex with another person / farm animal / batch of warm oatmeal / etc.
Top 1 Way to Spot Someone Who Pirates Movies, Music or Video Games:
1. The parrot on their shoulder. Dead giveaway. And the Arrrr! speak.
Top 1 Way to Tell if Someone is Squeamish:
1. Serve them spaghetti and meatballs from the abdominal cavity of a cadaver laid out on your dinner table. If they blow chunks the test results are in.
Top 1 Sign that Superman Isn’t Being Portrayed Realistically on the WB’s Smallville:
1. A teenager that doesn’t play with himself?! Surrounded by Chloe, Lana and Lois?! Come on!
18 comments
1. A teenager that doesn't play with himself?! Surrounded by Chloe, Lana and Lois?! Come on!
Obviously you've never read Larry Niven's Man of Steel, Woman of Tissue Paper"
Top One Sign It's Time to Dump Some Friends: They take advantage of another friend.
Top One Sign It's the Apocalypse: Vinny runs out of patience with stupid people and lays the beat down on those that so deserve it right now.
Top One Sign Vinny Runs Out of Patience: He posts about it.
Look out below, falling jokes coming!
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