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I Have Balls
August 11, 2006
I Have Balls
There just isn’t a nice and polite way to say this but I have an affliction / addiction which causes me to play with my balls. A lot. Often in public places much to the chagrin (and often times fascination) of passers-by. Little kids stare and tell their mom to look at what the strange man is doing.
I’m sick. I need help. I just can’t help grabbing my balls and tossing them over my head. Sometimes I grab them both, other times I toss all three. One day I hope to get all four of the suckers in both of my hands and who knows maybe bite them in mid-air…
(pause)
WHAT? Why the hello are you looking at me like that for? Do you mind?
… I wonder what they taste like. Anyways, there just isn’t any nice way to say it but my name is Vincent and I love playing with my balls. Although they’re kind of heavy, hard and quite difficult to handle I persevere through the fumbles, the stumbles and the clapping, staring children and their open-mouthed parents. They say confession is good for the soul but I have to say nothing is more joyous than showing people that new trick you just learned with your balls.
My name is Vincent and I am happy to say that I am a juggler. I juggle baseballs and…
WHAT? Why the kelp are you all looking so freaking relieved?
…as I was saying I can’t stop touching my balls. Juggling them 2 in 1 hand, 3 ball cascades, over and unders, juggler’s tennis and a few other little tricks I’ve learned over time. Playing. With my balls. A lot. In public.
(pause)
I love playing with my balls… uh… because I’m a…
(pause)
Oh! Now I get what you all were… uhm… you were thinking… that I was… talking about… playing with my balls… in public and… yeah, now I get the staring… my balls… ah, yeah.
Geez you people are sick. Freaks! Sick freaks. Sick, sick freaks! You’re all freaking disgusting you know that? Perverts! Shame on you all. Pervs!
So… anyone wanna juggle my balls? *grin* They’re heavy…
27 comments
Now MinnieTaur, I await your quips on this blog. Cmon, you know you want to say something about this.
Hehehe.... toss flip toss flip meow wtf? As for the cat having my tongue...if the pussy wants my tongue who am I to tell it no?
Only you would make a quip like that. Strange that I know you only from in here. Vinnie sure has some strange friends in Vegas. Are you sure you never met Vinnie in the real world at some other time MinnieTaur? Vinnie, now I see why you quit computer programming, doing it after a while must make a person batty.
Shannon: you don't just let anyone play with your balls, man. It's gotta be someone you trust.
Minnie: *thud!*
Virtual cow juggling was easy once I figured out how I wanted to do it, Shannon. Real juggling however took weeks to get a shaky 3 ball cascade but started quickly as I saw a 9yr old brat juggle and went "if that little sh## could do it so can I!"
Imagine my embarassment. Hmm, those little 9 yr. olds do try to show up the grownups don't they? Now you know why I picked up my guitar and began playing it again. I'm no Eric Clapton or B. B. King, but I am getting along on the chords so far. And yes Minnietaur, I do have a decent guitar, A first act 36 inch Acoustic guitar (which I must admit plays pretty well for the low price. However my Lotus L-20 has a truss rod in it and may need the bridge repaired or replaced, along with the bridge pins). And if you understood what I just said, then you are an advanced guitarist.
You can get a crappy guitar teacher, but the iniuative must rest on your shoulders. Translation, you either can play the guitar or you can't. As for Juggling Chris, I juggle my life everyday. Don't you? But that doesn't mean that I can juggle baseballs. Not everyone can program computers, like Vinnie used to do. Not everyone can fix computers, juggle baseballs, etc.
We all have a different talent, what we do with it is our business and our responsibility. Vinnie, never feel guilty that you can juggle, that takes skill and talent. Kinda reminds me of the tongue rolling thing I found about in science in high school, you can do it or not.
Sorry to be so harsh, but the truth hurts sometimes.