[Once again it’s time to answer all your emails, friends.]

Q: Dear Vincent, Master of the Universe and Dispenser of All Things Wise, can I ask you a question?
A: You just did my son, thanks for getting the ball rolling. NEXT!
Q: What is holding Linux back?
A: Linux users. That and the fact it isn’t Windows, of course.
Q: Why do Mac users lie in their commercials about the PC?
A: Because they hate Jesus, Billy.
Q: How do you drive women away?
A: Car, bus, taxi, motorcycle, onion breath, the truth…
Q: What’s the best Apple Switch ad?
A: The one where it switches to Windows.
Q: Do people really think people that download movies hurt the motion picture industry?
A: Well, popcorn sales are down. Stop downloading popcorn, people!
Q: Did Google really patent the Earth?!
A: No, I did; get off you pesky kids!
Q: Are all Mac users gay?
A: No, just the ones that have sex with men.
Q: Do all computer geeks like science-fiction?
A: Nope. (Some of them loved your sister though.)
Q: Did HP really kill your goldfish? Come on!
A: HP KILLED MY GOLDFISH! Hewlett Packard killed my goldfish! It’s freaking true *sniff* Sparky!!!! I miss ya, Sparks! (and they never apologized!)
Q: What’s your favorite game?
A: Life. Real life.
Q: What’s your least favorite game?
A: Watching people pretend they’re stupid over and over.
Q: How many fingers am I holding up?
A: Three. Now go do your homework.
Q: I went to a bookstore and couldn’t find the search bar to find the book I was looking for.
A: They’re called employees, genius.
Q: Are Dell’s specials a good deal?
A: They’re smoking hot! 4.8 million users can’t be wrong!
Q: What is your favorite movie?
A: Don’t remember the name, but there’s this donkey and a woman in it and no, it’s not a porno. Sorry to disappoint. Sickos.
Q: Will the MPAA prosecute the people downloading popcorn off the Internet?
A: No, that’s a job for Linus Torvalds. He’s in control of the kernals…