I really don’t know how I can state the obvious here on my blog without all of you readers out there thinking that I’m talking down to you, pretending you’re dimwitted twits or stupid sods that don’t know what day today is. Of course you all know the significance of today, all over the world; seriously. I mean, there’s no way I can think anyone out there is stupid enough not to know what everyone does about this very special day. But without using the words, you see, it makes it terribly difficult to talk about today. It’s like talking about that giant, radioactive 200′ tall orangutan that ate Denver, Colorado back in 1957. Sure I could link to all the stories about it, but then people would think that I thought they were stupid or something and I don’t want to do that.

Of course you’ve heard about poor Melinda! Who hasn’t? (Denver had it coming with looking like a huge and all from a 200′ orangutan’s perspective, if you ask me.)

So you see my difficulty? If I hadn’t talked about poor Melinda you wouldn’t have known what I was talking about just now. It’s not that I think anyone’s vapid or anything by specifically stating the obvious; it’s just easy to talk about things by, you know, mentioning them so please don’t think I’m talking slowly to all the people in the cheap seats, because I’m not. Besides, who talks to those chumps anyway? I mean, they’re in the cheap seats and it’s not like they can understand even the slowest enunciation. They’re daft and far away too, so that they probably couldn’t hear us talking to them anyway. Let’s just continue to move along, shall we?

What?

Uhm, no I was not just talking about the revelation to Mary, the mother of Jesus by the archangel Gabriel that she would conceive a child to be born the Son of God. That’s the Annunciation. What I was just discussing was enunciation, meaning “to speak.” In this case the slow, futile enunciation to people in economically challenged seating.

Now that we’ve cleared that up and you all realize that I’m not insulting anyone’s intelligence by mentioning what significance you all know today has, I can continue on to the point.

Today is the International Earth Day. A day celebrated by the world to promote awareness of and appreciation for the Earth’s environment. A day where people are encouraged to make better and greener choices to have less of an impact on the environment than they do now. A day where companies like Home Depot give out free energy-saving light-bulbs so that people come in, get the free bulbs and help destroy the Amazon Rain Forest by buying paneling and particle board for their stupid homes.

Today, to help celebrate International Earth Day, people are encouraged to help the environment by:

Using energy-efficient light bulbs: so they stub their toe in the dark, trip and fall down the steps and that’s one less consumer causing eco-havoc with the Earth!
Setting their thermostats to 65 in the winter/78 in the summer: if pneumonia doesn’t kill granny in winter, the heat wave should finish her off in summer. YAY, inheritance!
Stop just using and consuming fossil fuels and petroleum products: Pour a case of 10W30 motor oil back into the ground for every case of motor oil you use. If enough people put back into the ground what they use, fossil fuels will become a renewable source of energy. Same for plastic bottles, bags and those neat 6-pack beverage rings animals just love to play with.
Buy a hybrid vehicle: they don’t get better mileage than a 1987 Honda CRX/HF (52 city/57 highway) but they encourage others to do their part. Nevermind that they’re heavier, have a higher cost to own/operate and they’re comprised of way more earth unfriendly and highly toxic parts… it’s the message that’s important Al Gore, not your example.
Don’t use Linux: no matter what these idiots tell you, power management just like wifi, flash, games and graphic/all other drivers don’t work. Therefore your computer will waste more energy than if you just used Windows like all the other people. And if you’re thinking why not a Mac, think how wasteful it is to drive to a stupid store to drink latte’s instead of making your own freaking coffee…

So there you have it, please do your part for celebrating International Earth Day. Like knowing when International Earth Day actually is.

According to Earthday.net and Earthday.gov it’s today while Earthsite.org swears it’s the 20th (1 month, 2 days ago) as well as proclaiming itself the Official Site of International Earth Day. They even have the authentic EarthFlag (take that posers) as well as having a whole web-page (this is how you can smell the authenticity on the web, folks) devoted to informing people that today, April 22nd, is NOT International Earth Day. So there! See, they’re saying the original International Earth Day occurs on the March equinox… and they have a webpage and a flag to back them up.

No matter what day you celebrate International Earth Day, I think we can all agree that the tips I listed above will go a long way in helping everyone help the environment.

Please, no thanks. I do what I can…