[In today’s first installment of a new series of posts called What’s Wrong With, we’re going to discuss Vegans… and what’s wrong with them. We fully expect this article series to be as fact-filled, educational and insightful as all our other series such as Shut Up I’m Right, The Sun Isn’t Hot When It’s Dark Out, Cheese Is Way Stronger than Steel, You Make Me Keep Hitting You, Sharks Just Want to Play with Your Liver and Flash Cards Make Your Kid Stupider.]

So let’s get to it.

What’s Wrong with Vegans is that no matter how many vegetables they eat, they’re still made out of meat. Tasty, tasty meat. No matter how many bad parts are removed in surgeries (or bear attacks), no matter how much non-meat products they consume they are… meat. Nutritious, red, chewy, delectable, tasty meat.

A Vegan is a walking, talking meat stick. That hates meat. They’re a lie if you will; a talking piece o’meat that shares their wonderful vegetable and non-meat product lifestyle while ignoring their nature and what makes them who they are; meat. Wonderful, glorious, juicy meat. They’re meat that talks bad about itself. Which is just plain sick.

If you hate yourself that bad, Vegans then where is all the effort to genetically engineer your meat bodies into daffodils or tofu? Otherwise, you’re just sentient, living meat spewing lies. Don’t be meat, Vegans. Don’t be meat. Tasty, tasty, wonderful, joyously delicious meat. *drool*

And that’s folks is What’s Wrong with Vegans (they’re lying meat.)

You’re very, very welcome.