For those of you who were paying attention, I was away for a week and a half, chasing my iPod Nano (the cool one, the 1st gen) across the globe because it decided to fly over 4800 miles at speeds in excess of 510 miles per hour at an altitude of 40,020ft. Why? I really, really don’t know. Perhaps my iPod was displeased that for most of it’s life it was stuck in a cramped iHome IH5 clock radio; only traveling to a local casino or two. Or perhaps when I was sleeping it was lured by a bad man to New York City while it was innocently cruising an internet chat room. He probably promised to treat it better; to take it for walks under the boardwalk and snap off a few pictures of it in suggestive poses after he gave it an intimately arousing, accessory-stripped rubdown / trust-massage with a lint-free cloth and some warm Brasso…

The sick bastard. No one intimately or erotically touches my iPod but me!

Any-whoo, after noticing my Nano was gone and putting the pieces of the puzzle together (after perusing my computer’s chat logs to no avail) and seeing the charges on my credit card for a ticket to New York City via Jet Blue airlines), I did the unthinkable. I got on an airplane; the first one I’ve been on in over 14 years and flew 2400+ miles to be re-united with my iPod before it succumbed to the influences of a mysterious stranger who was going to slip it out of it’s case, fondle it’s wheel only to violate it’s trust by jamming a cable up it’s shiny metal ass and enema-ing out all it’s mp3s!

The sick, sick bastard. No one jams a cable up my Nano’s butt and enemas out it’s mp3’s but me! Oh sure, the violating it’s trust thing, I’m OK with - but the enema cable up the bottom thing is just really really sick and people with mp3 players do it all the time and don’t even give it a second thought! If your mp3 player fills up, buy a new one you sickos! Don’t jam a cable into it’s electronic bowels and inject it’s colon with 1’s & 0’s so it forcibly expels it’s mp3’s all over the place; that’s freaking sick! How would you like it if someone does that to you? Huh?! (Hopefully no one will ever invent such a revolting procedure for us humans.) *shudder*

Well, the long and the short of it is that I did manage to catch up with my iPod Nano before it was violated, in the heart of New York City. Thankfully there was no bad man, no internet chat room seduction, no Dateline to Catch an Mp3 Predator…

While I was back in my family’s old stomping grounds, in the heart of the Big Apple I spent all my time surrounded by uncles, aunts and an infinite supply of cousins (and their computers of course ). I was back in New York, hanging out the entire time with family and enjoying every minute out of it, now that my iPod was safe.

I took the wonderful opportunity this sudden trip back presented by eating as much REAL pizza I could get my hands on, as well as other NY favorites like mustard-filled potato kinishes and Wise Bar-B-Q flavored potato chips. Oh, and good Chinese and Italian food (all of which you can’t get in Vegas).

*sigh* or should I say **urrrrrrrrrppppp!**

I stayed at my Favorite Aunt and Uncle In The Whole Wide World’s place while I was back in the city and every morning I got to read a real newspaper (Daily News), watch the real news on TV (NBC in NY) and ate fresh monster bagels. *sigh*

My Nano and I flew back to Vegas a few days ago and we’re both fine. I promised to take it out for more walks and it promised that it’s click wheel and shiny metal posterior was mine and mine alone… *sigh*

God Bless America. We’re back after going back. So how was your past few weeks?