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My iPod Flew 4800 Miles at 510 MPH
July 22, 2007
My iPod Flew 4800 Miles at 510 MPH
For those of you who were paying attention, I was away for a week and a half, chasing my iPod Nano (the cool one, the 1st gen) across the globe because it decided to fly over 4800 miles at speeds in excess of 510 miles per hour at an altitude of 40,020ft. Why? I really, really don’t know. Perhaps my iPod was displeased that for most of it’s life it was stuck in a cramped iHome IH5 clock radio; only traveling to a local casino or two. Or perhaps when I was sleeping it was lured by a bad man to New York City while it was innocently cruising an internet chat room. He probably promised to treat it better; to take it for walks under the boardwalk and snap off a few pictures of it in suggestive poses after he gave it an intimately arousing, accessory-stripped rubdown / trust-massage with a lint-free cloth and some warm Brasso…
The sick bastard. No one intimately or erotically touches my iPod but me!
Any-whoo, after noticing my Nano was gone and putting the pieces of the puzzle together (after perusing my computer’s chat logs to no avail) and seeing the charges on my credit card for a ticket to New York City via Jet Blue airlines), I did the unthinkable. I got on an airplane; the first one I’ve been on in over 14 years and flew 2400+ miles to be re-united with my iPod before it succumbed to the influences of a mysterious stranger who was going to slip it out of it’s case, fondle it’s wheel only to violate it’s trust by jamming a cable up it’s shiny metal ass and enema-ing out all it’s mp3s!
The sick, sick bastard. No one jams a cable up my Nano’s butt and enemas out it’s mp3’s but me! Oh sure, the violating it’s trust thing, I’m OK with - but the enema cable up the bottom thing is just really really sick and people with mp3 players do it all the time and don’t even give it a second thought! If your mp3 player fills up, buy a new one you sickos! Don’t jam a cable into it’s electronic bowels and inject it’s colon with 1’s & 0’s so it forcibly expels it’s mp3’s all over the place; that’s freaking sick! How would you like it if someone does that to you? Huh?! (Hopefully no one will ever invent such a revolting procedure for us humans.) *shudder*
Well, the long and the short of it is that I did manage to catch up with my iPod Nano before it was violated, in the heart of New York City. Thankfully there was no bad man, no internet chat room seduction, no Dateline to Catch an Mp3 Predator…
While I was back in my family’s old stomping grounds, in the heart of the Big Apple I spent all my time surrounded by uncles, aunts and an infinite supply of cousins (and their computers of course 
). I was back in New York, hanging out the entire time with family and enjoying every minute out of it, now that my iPod was safe.
I took the wonderful opportunity this sudden trip back presented by eating as much REAL pizza I could get my hands on, as well as other NY favorites like mustard-filled potato kinishes and Wise Bar-B-Q flavored potato chips. Oh, and good Chinese and Italian food (all of which you can’t get in Vegas).
*sigh* or should I say **urrrrrrrrrppppp!**
I stayed at my Favorite Aunt and Uncle In The Whole Wide World’s place while I was back in the city and every morning I got to read a real newspaper (Daily News), watch the real news on TV (NBC in NY) and ate fresh monster bagels. *sigh*
My Nano and I flew back to Vegas a few days ago and we’re both fine. I promised to take it out for more walks and it promised that it’s click wheel and shiny metal posterior was mine and mine alone… *sigh*
God Bless America. We’re back after going back. So how was your past few weeks?
26 comments
Did you stay on the ground all this time because you were scared of flying?
(oh and we missed ya)
Actually he couldn't fly cause taking off his shoes would set off the dangerous gas alarms that TSA agents use to sniff out gases and weapons of mass destruction. 
Chris: thanks for the welcome back. In Net life, being away for 10 days is like 12 years. Kudos for not calling rescuers...
No, I'm not afraid of flying, I just haven't had a reason to get on one in a looong time. (If I was afraid of flying NOTHING would have gotten me on that plane 
)Gweep: I took off my shoes, belt and since I was on a roll... let's just say there were appreciative cat calls and whistles. I do my part to make travel a pleasure
Dr Shoal: Love your inserts dude! Just FYI - married people wearing TAG body spray is pointless and sad
Repeat as above for Italian, knishes and bagels
Where to get these foods? C'mon! Anyone in the neighborhood knows where the good places are to eat; just look for the lines out side the buildings during lunchtime.
Oh and no one makes a bad pizza in NY. For long.
*sigh* I hungry.
Kosher Indian Vegetarian restaurant, Mexican O&O Taco stands, not chain
Afghan run kabobs stands
Japanese O&O sushi
Italian pizza parlors
Pizza parlors. Real pizza parlors. Real pizza. *drool*
I visited the relatives after pursuing my fleeing iPod; I don't know why someone might not think this wasn't the real reason I spent almost two weeks in New York City. Look on the net and you'll see tons of pics of iPods growing legs and arms... is it that hard a stretch that one would also travel on a plane and go on an adventure... of course not.
Enjoy the annual EAA (Experimental Aircraft Association) convention, Shannon! As you already know it's the biggest plane show in the United States! My dad and I were members and went down there 2 years in a row; loved it. Gotta go back there one day! Quite a show, very beautiful place! The last time we were there was right after Operation Desert Storm and the military was there big time. I got to see not only my favorite old planes but also my favorite jets. Including the first public showing of the F117A Stealth Fighter. *sigh*
Gweep: Locks and bagels oh my!
(searches the internet)
... I stand corrected. Oh well, good to be unique. Still.
The EAA Oshkosh show was awesome. All of the standard Warbirds and Ultralights were there. And of course they showed off the new planes. My dad and Brother like the Sonex planes, me I like the Jabiru planes. Sorry you couldn't make it to Oshkosh this year, but I think my dad and brother might have wondered where I dug you up as a friend.
We left on July 26 at 4:30 am Central and got back on July 28 at 7:15 pm Central (Boy do my feet hurt, we drove all the way up there and back. My brother doesn't have his driver's license yet and I can't get a driver's license (wish I could, but my disabilities prevent me from doing so)) So, you miss me while I was gone? I know Special K didn't even know I was gone. Do they still have huge icy cold Coca-Colas and those wonderful soft ice cream cones? *drool* I miss those.
Sadly we're worse than missing persons, you have to be gone at least a week before we Amber Alert people
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