About a week ago my childhood re-asserted itself and compelled me to purchase a few boxes of HONEYCOMBS cereal (which, come to think of it is the least embarrassing thing my childhood has done to me.)

I was anticipating the joy of chomping into the large, fake honeycomb-shaped cereal with the big big bite, as I poured my first bowl in years. As I watched each bit dance, cavort and sashay out of the box; leaping joyously into my bowl, I was overcome with sugary, sweet, child-like anticipation… until I looked down into the freaking bowl.

WTF?! (look it up and figure it out)

My jaw dropped, my child inside died and my heart skipped 37 beats (to be exact). Are my eyes deceiving me, I thought as I looked stunned into my bowl of ex-childhood delight.

THEY SHRUNK MY %&*^#@!ING HONEYCOMBS?!

Seriously, the big big taste with the big big bite seemed a LOT smaller than I remembered. One of the greatest tragedy in breakfast cereal that I can recall, besides the Let’s Make Corn Pops Look Like Sickle Cell Anemia debacle of this century.

Perhaps it was my imagination, maybe they didn’t change the size of these now dwarf-looking micro honeycombed imposter’s lying deceptively in my bowl. So I did some research as I poured the milk, spooned some of the traitors into my disappointed, gaping maw and discovered that they suck. Seems that they changed the %^$#@!ing ingredients too!

Wikipedia’s entry on Honeycombs Cereal states: “recently, Bran Blend (whole grain corn flour and corn bran) has been added to the ingredient list. This has tripled the fiber content. Aficionados of Honeycomb cereal were able to immediately taste the difference. Post registered many calls of complaints from Honeycomb fans after the change. While many Honeycomb fans have been assuaged with the following change, some insist the original flavor is superior.”

Of this I have to things to say:

1. Hell, yes we noticed it sucks
2. Good vs suck. GOOD ALWAYS IS SUPERIOR TO SUCK YOU MORONS! (all obvious and non-obvious sex jokes avoided)

After I calmed down, I decided to write Kraft, the maker of the now ruined, smaller and tastes like suck Honeycombs to voice my displeasure. Actually, after reading all the background of the taste change (away from and now to suck) and realizing there was nothing even I could do about it, I really wanted to know the answer to my first question: did they make Honeycombs smaller.

So I wrote Kraft foods the following email:

To: Kraft Foods
Date: 8/26/2007
Subject: Did you make Honeycombs smaller?

I recently purchased a large box of Honeycombs cereal and was surprised that the cereal pieces are much smaller than I remember. Are they smaller than they used to be?

And this was their reply the next day:

To: Vincent Navarino
Date: 08/27/2007
Subject: Re: Did you make Honeycombs smaller?
Thank you for visiting http://www.kraftfoods.com/.

I’m sorry to hear about your experience with POST, HONEYCOMB, Crunchy Sweetened Corn and Oat Cereal. Since we fell short of your expectations, I’m sending you reimbursement via first class mail which you should receive within 7-10 business days.

We value the quality of our products and give careful attention to each step of preparation and packaging in our manufacturing process. Samples from each production run are evaluated before shipment in an effort to prevent any unsatisfactory products from entering distribution.

I hope this information is helpful, and again, I apologize for this experience. Thank you for your loyalty and we hope that your next experience is a good one.

-K M
Associate Director, Consumer Relations
—————————————

A few days later a coupon arrived from Kraft that said it was good for one free box of their products up to $4.49.

Now while my brain started screaming that the person responded did not answer my question (a thing that really ticks me off), my fingers started typing the following email:

To: Ferrari, Porsche, Lambourghini, Rolls-Royce Automobile Manufacturers
From: Vincent Navarino
Subject: Did You Make Your Top of the Line Car smaller?
…

I’ll let you know how they respond