My brother and sister took my dad and me out to see George Carlin this Father’s Day at the Orleans Hotel and Casino here in Las Vegas. We grew up as kids, listening to great comedians like George Carlin, Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby and it was a real treat to see George last week, let me tell you.

He was funny (duh).
He cast gasoline on everyone’s sacred held beliefs (woosh).
He made us stop laughing at one point, shocked as he shocked so many people (hey!).

Then, a second later we started laughing again. He was fantastic, he was great, he was pure George Carlin and we really loved seeing him!

Here’s some of what George had to say that night:

“I believe we have either unlimited rights or no rights at all. If someone can take away your rights then they weren’t rights at all. There’s no middle ground on this, it’s one way or the other.”

“Children aren’t our future. That’s bullshit. By the time they take over for us, they’re adults.”

“Why don’t people tell the truth when someone shows them their child’s picture? Whoa, that kid has a huge freaking forehead! You should sell him to a circus. But you have to be nice… I’m sure he’ll grow into it.”

A lot of George’s show that night was centered around what happens when we die and the little stupid things people say when someone around you passes away:

“I lost my father recently.
Really? Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll turn up.”

“Everyone says that a person who’s passed away is looking down at us. Why is it no one says he’s looking UP at us? That’s right, Grandma’s cooking without an oven.”

“They say that when someone loses a parent that they’re looking out for their loved ones down here. Like they have nothing better to do. If someone’s adopted do their biological parents look out for them or they off the hook?”

As soon as he was done, George walked off stage and thanked everyone for coming. And then he was gone. We had a blast seeing him for the first time in person; a truly unforgettable night!

One week to the day later, we found out that we were fortunate to have been allowed to be there for his final performance. We’re very grateful.

The only thing beyond that I can say is:

Hope you’re not cooking without an oven, George!

Special C, my adopted sister / upstairs neighbor made me The Perfect Lemonade this morning. I feel so sorry for all of you out there that have deluded yourselves to thinking and erroneously enjoying the swill you dare call lemonade…

Powdered? *gasp*
Imitation? *shudder*
From concentrate? *WTF?!*
Now with 10% more weasel pee? *disgusting*
Gourmet Lemonade mixes? *you poor, poor fools*

Nothing can compare to the joy, the simplicity, the oral, tastebud rapture of The Perfect Lemonade!

Why it’s so freaking simple to make, one has to wonder why there are so many pitiful imitations out there, let alone how many morons that sadly and purposefully drink the stuff… *yuck*

I mean, it’s not like you’re all saving a bunch of time using these abominations and the trade off is, well… yellow-tinged pee looking awfullness. *blech!*

I’ll do all you “lemonade” drinkers a HUGE favor, what I like to call a public service. Here’s how you make the real deal, The Perfect Lemonade:

1. Put some cold, filtered water into a glass with ice.
2. Add fresh squeezed lemon juice.
3. Dollop in some Simple Syrup (*) to taste.
4. That’s all there is to it, folks.

Suck on that, Country Time!

PS. If you people can’t be bothered with the simplicity of making The Perfect Lemonade, aka squeezing a lemon or two and boiling water and sugar, then we’re all doomed as a people.

PPS. It also helps to serve The Perfect Lemonade in a pretty glass like the one mine was mixed in (see pic above). The blue bottle holds the Simple Syrup aka Sweetener of the Gods. Blue bottle not necessary but it so complimented my eyes…

-Goodnight Heathens

*Simple syrup is 1 part water and 1 part sugar boiled together and allowed to cool.