Dear Computer Gods,

It has been a while since I last spoke to your silicon goodnesses (with chewy caramel centers) and I supplicate myself before your bits and bytes properly chagrined at how long it has been since I last genuflected before you. I know you don’t have many nanoseconds for such an unworthy geek such as myself but I figured that as long as I have your attention… I STOLE YOUR WALLET!!! NEENER! NEENER! NEEENER!!

Made you look. Sorry, I couldn’t help it. Any-whoos as I was saying I am awfully sorry that I have taken this long to… seriously that wallet thing was so funny! I couldn’t believe you guys fell for that for .0002 picoseconds. *snort* HAHAHAHAHA! *ahem*

My bad, won’t happen again. *snort*

I am heartily sorry that I have been busy of late with what amounts to be my carbon-based existence (life) to talk to you as I should; as a humble and grateful computer geek. Your 0’s and 1’s fill me with infinite joys and pleasures, as long as the right codec is installed. I am eternally grateful and humbled by your generosity and every neuron in my feeble meat-brain is alight with that thing that chick banana did with the horse maracas. It’s peanut butter jelly time!!!
Peanut butter jelly time!!! Peanut butter jelly time!!!

You make me happy whenever I am in your silicon-ey presence. You have done more for me than any fanatic imbecile NERD! geek worshiper can ever have imagined, or watched on Youtube. Your electronic impulses caress my gelatinous orbs and cause them to dance in their skull-sockets with glee.

Please, I beseech thee listen a zeptosecond more to my baring of my soul in your honor. Remember those times we shared when we were alone and no else was watching but the Lower Merion School District tapping covertly into our webcam? Those were good times, no matter what anyone says and we shouldn’t be ashamed of what we were doing. There’s nothing wrong with body oil handcuffs a taser a little input output of not gonna say it ideas.

It’s not unusual for those that are worshiped for their silicon-ey goodness and those that grovel at their feet to come together to a mutual toga party rubdowns sharing of hearty love sonnets candy cocoa butter rub downs discussions in a hot tub broom closet mature manner, is there?

I just didn’t want you to think that I had forgotten about you, Oh Computer Gods and for all that you’ve done for me. I won’t waste another yoctosecond of your time, I know there are other geeks in line to talk to you. But none of them, none of them will ever know how much cocoa butter you like I am grateful to you for pinging me so good keeping me in your L2 cache for as long as you have.

Your loving servant forever,

Vincenzo Asti Spumanti Manicotti
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