My brother and sister took my dad and me out to see George Carlin this Father’s Day at the Orleans Hotel and Casino here in Las Vegas. We grew up as kids, listening to great comedians like George Carlin, Richard Pryor and Bill Cosby and it was a real treat to see George last week, let me tell you.

He was funny (duh).
He cast gasoline on everyone’s sacred held beliefs (woosh).
He made us stop laughing at one point, shocked as he shocked so many people (hey!).

Then, a second later we started laughing again. He was fantastic, he was great, he was pure George Carlin and we really loved seeing him!

Here’s some of what George had to say that night:

“I believe we have either unlimited rights or no rights at all. If someone can take away your rights then they weren’t rights at all. There’s no middle ground on this, it’s one way or the other.”

“Children aren’t our future. That’s bullshit. By the time they take over for us, they’re adults.”

“Why don’t people tell the truth when someone shows them their child’s picture? Whoa, that kid has a huge freaking forehead! You should sell him to a circus. But you have to be nice… I’m sure he’ll grow into it.”

A lot of George’s show that night was centered around what happens when we die and the little stupid things people say when someone around you passes away:

“I lost my father recently.
Really? Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll turn up.”

“Everyone says that a person who’s passed away is looking down at us. Why is it no one says he’s looking UP at us? That’s right, Grandma’s cooking without an oven.”

“They say that when someone loses a parent that they’re looking out for their loved ones down here. Like they have nothing better to do. If someone’s adopted do their biological parents look out for them or they off the hook?”

As soon as he was done, George walked off stage and thanked everyone for coming. And then he was gone. We had a blast seeing him for the first time in person; a truly unforgettable night!

One week to the day later, we found out that we were fortunate to have been allowed to be there for his final performance. We’re very grateful.

The only thing beyond that I can say is:

Hope you’re not cooking without an oven, George!

Special C, my adopted sister / upstairs neighbor made me The Perfect Lemonade this morning. I feel so sorry for all of you out there that have deluded yourselves to thinking and erroneously enjoying the swill you dare call lemonade…

Powdered? *gasp*
Imitation? *shudder*
From concentrate? *WTF?!*
Now with 10% more weasel pee? *disgusting*
Gourmet Lemonade mixes? *you poor, poor fools*

Nothing can compare to the joy, the simplicity, the oral, tastebud rapture of The Perfect Lemonade!

Why it’s so freaking simple to make, one has to wonder why there are so many pitiful imitations out there, let alone how many morons that sadly and purposefully drink the stuff… *yuck*

I mean, it’s not like you’re all saving a bunch of time using these abominations and the trade off is, well… yellow-tinged pee looking awfullness. *blech!*

I’ll do all you “lemonade” drinkers a HUGE favor, what I like to call a public service. Here’s how you make the real deal, The Perfect Lemonade:

1. Put some cold, filtered water into a glass with ice.
2. Add fresh squeezed lemon juice.
3. Dollop in some Simple Syrup (*) to taste.
4. That’s all there is to it, folks.

Suck on that, Country Time!

PS. If you people can’t be bothered with the simplicity of making The Perfect Lemonade, aka squeezing a lemon or two and boiling water and sugar, then we’re all doomed as a people.

PPS. It also helps to serve The Perfect Lemonade in a pretty glass like the one mine was mixed in (see pic above). The blue bottle holds the Simple Syrup aka Sweetener of the Gods. Blue bottle not necessary but it so complimented my eyes…

-Goodnight Heathens

*Simple syrup is 1 part water and 1 part sugar boiled together and allowed to cool.

This Monday at 3:38pm, after almost 3 years of outstanding and excellent performance, I was (very reluctantly) forced to say goodbye to my Ultimate Ultimate Gaming Machine (aka UUGM).

Everyone who knows me knows how long I took to ponder, plot and select every single component that went into UUGM. The long days, the long nights, the even longer middles… *sigh*

For the past 3 years UUGM and I were a team. Closer than friends, perhaps a teensy-weensy, smidge too close for those that accidentally stumbled upon us enjoying our “private time” together. Sure, sometimes we forgot to close the door but really, those that thought the love we shared was sick really should look at their own sad little lives a tad more to realize just how special our bond was. We never argued, fought like cats and dogs or hurt each other.

But oh how we did kill a LOT together.

She was **THE** Ultimate Ultimate Gaming Machine and I was her creator, her friend and her lov–errr–someone she wanted to please in return for giving her life. She’d do anything for me and I do mean anything. Enthusiastically. And if I liked it, she did it some more. With feeling. And on special nights, covered in honey and with all her lights on.

Is that so bad? Shut up, who asked you?

We gamed like no other. She was sleek, fast, sexy in red and had a rear panel that you could bounce a can of compressed air on. When we gamed, we connected. Came together. Became one.

Shut up.

She was the Laurel to my Hardy. The Godiva to my chocolate. The auto-aim bot to my Quake…

But now she’s gone. Powered down, forever.

Goodbye my sweet, sweet UGM! No one fragged like you, babe…

Forgive me bloggers for it has been 28 days since my last posting… questions abound when a blogger disappears from the blogosphere. Which begs the question, just what the hello kitty happened to poor ol’ Vin? Why didn’t he post for almost a whole month? Is he OK? Was he hurt? Is he all better now?

Well, I’m not telling. So you all have to guess.

Was I on vacation?
Did I just not feel like blogging?
Was I too busy with work and life in general?
Did the local college football team chain me all nekkid and spread-eagled to the 30 yard line. Again?
Was I hospitalized for choking on soup?

So here’s your first graphic clue. Guess away!

Will share this very cool CSS coding technique soon! WOO! I am a freaking genius. Web 3.0 here we come! Eureka!